101 Ways to Die (A Magical Romantic Comedy (with a body count) Book 21) by R.J. Blain

Author:R.J. Blain [Blain, R.J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pen & Page Publishing
Published: 2023-06-01T18:30:00+00:00

I needed to brush up on animal abuse laws and find out if goldfish were protected by any of the acts barring animal cruelty. The goldfish, which numbered in at fifty-two with possibly more crammed deeper in the corpse, deserved a better end at the very least. Until I learned more about the victim, a middle-aged white male, I would reserve judgement about if he’d deserved his fate.

The goldfish, ranging in size from a quarter up to a ten pound monster that had been forcefully shoved where the sun refused to shine, would result in at least one therapy session. The last thing anyone needed to see involved fish fins sticking out of someone’s ass.

The coroner and our precinct’s primary forensics medical examiner held a conversation in hushed whispers, probably trying to come to terms with the gruesome job ahead of them.

“This is not the sort of evidence collection any of us wants to participate in,” I informed Alec. He, as the new gopher of the precinct, held three cameras, and someone had given him the basic rundown on their use. With an admirably neutral expression, he photographed the body and the poor fish.

“Chief Quinn really wasn’t joking about this one. It is death by goldfish. And to think I thought I had seen everything when I’d gotten up this morning.”

“I would say it’s nice that you can be surprised still, but it’s really not. What did those poor goldfish do to anyone?” I sighed and shook my head. “If the doctors in the corner could come join us, we might get out here sometime this week.”

Dr. Harrins, the poor bastard who would be extracting goldfish carcasses from the corpse, eyed the body before shrugging and strolling over. “If you could have your forensics people come up with a better strategy for the fish, I might be able to have an autopsy done sooner than later.”

Wait. He needed a better strategy for the fish? I scratched my head and regarded the corpse with a frown. “Is there a reason you can’t just pull them out?”

“We aren’t sure what species of goldfish this is. Goldfish do not usually have pronounced spines like this. We don’t know if we’re dealing with an endangered species of fish or not.”

The instant the word ‘endangered’ left his mouth, I realized I’d been tricked and given a hell case. “The fish are already dead. Just don’t damage them when you remove them until you get an identification on the species. If they’re endangered, offer the scientists some of the bodies for study. Isn’t that how this should work?”

“The fish themselves might have contributed to his death,” the coroner replied.

“Well, that seems likely, as the victim obviously has been impaled with numerous goldfish. At the very minimum, it appears he choked on a few. Call somebody who knows about fish and find out if the fish are venomous or poisonous. Both may apply.” I bit my lip so I wouldn’t laugh at the reality of the fish possibly being both venomous and poisonous.

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